Ahhh summer.

‘Tis the season of sun lotion, barbecue sauce, and reality TV.

For the next few weeks I’ll be focusing on that last one.

Reality TV

Reality television has become deeply embedded in American culture and around the world. It can be brainless (see: Keeping Up with the Kardashians), sometimes silly (see: Naked and Afraid), often trashy (see: The Bachelor), and occasionally riveting (see: Masterchef).

Of course, you probably disagree with some or all of my examples, and that’s the beauty of the genre. What’s trashy to me is riveting to you. What’s brainless to you is riveting to me.

One of my favorite reality shows of all time is So, You Think You Can Dance? 

I find the competition among highly trained, well-versed, aspiring professional dancers at the beginning of their career far more enjoyable than the celebrity romp that is Dancing with the Stars.  But then, I’m not into celebrity for celebrity’s sake. You might be. To each their own.

One of the reasons I enjoy SYTYCD so much is the judges don’t go for the shock value of a Simon Cowell or Howard Stern (nothing against either – I quite enjoy both in different ways), but rather the criticism always stems from a genuine desire to help contestants improve their crafts, both on and off stage.

How to win a reality TV competition (or at least improve your chances)

This season of SYTYCD features two guest judges, one of whom was previously a contestant back in Season 3: Dominic Sandoval.

By far his most important contribution to the show was in Episode #2 during the Judges Auditions. Frank “Ghost” Crisp. Jr, a high-energy dancer who formerly worked with the Harlem Globetrotters, came bursting onto the stage, instantly amping up the audience and working the crowd like the seasoned entertainer that he is.

After Ghost’s wildly enjoyable hip-hop routine, judge Dominic spoke first:

“You are the definition of dance. The ability to use your facility to bring bliss and joy to everybody in this room: that’s why we dance. … What dancers don’t understand is that the audition starts right when you enter, and it goes until you leave.”

Did you catch that?

The audition starts right when you enter. 

It doesn’t start when you begin dancing. It doesn’t start when the judges ask you your first pre-dance question. It starts when you enter the room.

In fact, I would argue it starts well before you enter the room. It starts when you greet the doorman, the barista in the lobby, the stage hand backstage, etc. 

What is your tone? How is your posture? What happens when you enter a room?

We are rarely judged solely on our talent, skill, or experience. But we are often judged on our humanity.

Always-on

Chris Voss, former lead hostage negotiator for the FBI and bestselling author of Never Split the Difference reminds us:

“The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don’t know you’re in.”

What does this have to do with us?

• When I’m buying a new car, the negotiation doesn’t start when the salesperson first mentions the price. It starts when I first shake her hand.
• A job interview starts when the receptionist calls you to schedule the appointment, not when you meet the interviewer on the day-of.
• Your art or music school audition starts when you enter the room, well before you ever play a note or put brush to canvas.

Alice (of Wonderland) tells us to begin at the beginning. Wrong. We must begin before we begin.

Human connection is all-encompassing: those who show up for the people in their lives constantly and consistently will discover opportunities they cannot possibly imagine. Dominic – a hip-hop dancer reality competition contestant turned YouTube star and eventually judge on the very show that made him famous – reminded me of that powerful insight.

And here I thought I was just watching some meaningless summer TV.