Our beloved Ellen Degeneres was recently spotted at a Dallas Cowboys game sitting next to and laughing with former U.S. President George W. Bush, a man who openly opposed many of Ellen’s most fundamental beliefs and values. In her words:
“People were upset. They thought, “Why is a gay, Hollywood liberal sitting next to a conservative, Republican president?”
True to form, Ellen explained the situation in one sentiment:
“Here’s the thing: I’m friends with George Bush. In fact I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have. We’re all different, and I think that we’ve forgotten that that’s okay.”
The social media uproar to Ellen sitting next to her friend at a football game had me thinking about the recent interview I gave on Morgane Michaels’ brilliant podcast for educators KindSight 101. Towards the end of the conversation Morgane asked me, “What does kindness mean to you?” Here was my answer:
“Kindness is a choice. It’s choosing to say, “I hear you, I see you, and I’m still here for you, even if we don’t always see eye-to-eye.”
Human connection is a gift we give to ourselves and others, to friends and family, colleagues and strangers. We connect not in spite of people’s differences, but because of them. Ellen summed it up better than I ever could:
“When I say, “Be kind to one another,” I don’t mean only the people that think the same way that you do. I mean be kind to everyone.”
Listen to my full conversation on KindSight 101 below. Afterwards, head here to get related links, bonuses, and discounts.
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As I said on LinkedIn, I was looking forward to this post as was very curious to know your take on this. As a general framework I agree with Ellen’s message, but there are things that don’t fit into the general framework. I don’t disagree with the idea that you should be kind even to people who have ideas or beliefs that are different from you. What I disagree with is the idea that you should be kind to people whose ideas or beliefs dehumanize you. I know Bush’s position on gay rights isn’t clear one way or the other, but if I were a gay woman, I would have a hard time being kind to someone who believed I didn’t have the right to marry, or raise a child, or that I was going to hell. There’s something not right about that. It gives the marginalized individual, the one with less power, the responsibility to create a space of unrequested forgiveness and to accept fully someone who doesn’t fully accept them. This isn’t a comment on this particular pairing necessarily, but I do think it’s a bit naive and perhaps dangerous to take the position that kindness extends to everyone. Being kind to oneself may mean putting distance between you and someone who believes you are less worthy than they are. Those are my developing thoughts anyway…