How to get people to connect with your message

Brian Miller HUman Connection Magician

Written by Brian Miller

Brian Miller is a former magician turned author, speaker, and consultant on human connection. He works with organizations to create connected cultures where everyone feels heard, understood, and valued.

November 21, 2023

Description: Explore the crucial role of the messenger in shaping message perception. Learn why authenticity, credibility, and connection are key to effective communication in our latest blog post, as we delve into the psychology behind message reception and offer practical tips for becoming a trustworthy messenger.


Twice today a fascinating viral post came across my newsfeed. In both cases it is being eagerly shared, adored, and engaged with.

Each are long, flowery messages attributed to famous people of influence: Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein.

The Jobs post begins:

“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes my life is an epitome of success. However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to. At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death. …”

And the Einstein quote begins:

“When I proposed the theory of relativity, very few understood me, and what I will reveal now to transmit to mankind will also collide with the misunderstanding and prejudice in the world. I ask you to guard the letters as long as necessary, years, decades, until society is advanced enough to accept what I will explain below. There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to. It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us. This universal force is LOVE. …”

So, what’s the problem?

Neither of these quotes are real

Jobs’ sister Mona Simpson confirmed that Steve Jobs’ final words were, “Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.”

I mean, that makes sense.

And Albert Einstein’s daughter Lieserl denies that her father ever described love as a universal force.

I and others commented on these posts, pointing out that they were long-since debunked. In both cases the person who shared the post decided to keep it up and justified it similarly:

“The idea is powerful, regardless of who said it.”

Is that true?

The Messenger Matters

While the message itself may be the most important thing, it is the messenger who delivers the message. And therefore, the messenger is the vehicle through which we encounter, consider, and judge the message.

Image if a disheveled stranger on the street runs up to you and yells, “The key to success is to eat shit!”

How seriously are you going to take that? Likely, you’re just going to ignore them, and rightfully so. You have no context for that message and no reason to put any weight on it.

But when Gary Vaynerchuck says that to his online audience of millions of aspiring entrepreneurs, suddenly an entire generation believes that grinding oneself to the point of burnout is the only path to success, and burnout is a badge of honor.

Why do people take it serious when Gary says it? Because he’s a successful entrepreneur with a proven track record of success.

Change the messenger, change the message.

We connect with people, not ideas

This probably sounds crazy coming from the founder of a messaging consultancy, but we don’t really connect with ideas. We might be persuaded by them, or intrigued by them, but moved? Not really.

It’s the person behind the idea, and the person communicating the idea, that connects with us, and therefore connects us to the idea.

So, what’s my point?

There’s a reason viral posts with big, powerful ideas are (falsely) attributed to influential people. It’s so that we take the idea more seriously.

And in particular, these posts have aligned an idea with a person that are seemingly at odds with each other.

Contradictions are interesting

Steve Jobs was a visionary, but he was well-known to be cold and uncaring when it came to his personal life. So to hear that on his death bed he regretted his actions, and that true wealth is actually found in relationships?

That’s super compelling.

And Einstein, a renowned genius scientist who secretly wrote a letter about love being one of the universal forces of nature?

Wow!

Unfortunately, they’re both B.S.

And here’s the key: if the ideas themselves were persuasive enough, whoever started the viral post wouldn’t have needed to falsely attribute them to famous people.

The folks choosing to leave the posts up even after discovering they are being falsely attributed are doing it for the likes, comments, and engagement on their channel – reaping the rewards of a deception while perpetuating the very problem.

Which, actually, makes me trust them less moving forward.

Becoming a Trustworthy Messenger

What does this tell us? If you want to people to take your ideas seriously, you need to deeply connect with them.

Here are some ways to do it.

Embrace Authenticity

In a world cluttered with information, authenticity isn’t just important; it’s essential. As a messenger, your power lies in your genuineness.

Speak from your own experiences and insights. Your unique voice isn’t just your signature; it’s your strength. It’s what makes your message resonate with those who hear it.

Authenticity builds a bridge of trust, and across that bridge, your ideas travel with greater impact.

Develop Credibility

Credibility is the currency in the economy of ideas. It isn’t just about what you’ve achieved; it’s about how you’ve achieved it.

Your integrity, consistency, and reliability speak louder than any accolade. Make promises and keep them. Set expectations and live up to them.

Remember, credibility isn’t built overnight, but it’s the bedrock upon which your message stands firm.

Practice Humility

Humility in messaging is often overlooked, yet it’s crucial. As Matt Dillahunty, philosopher and skeptic, once said to me on my podcast, “”I don’t know” is almost always the right answer.”

Humility opens the door to genuine connections and conversations. It’s not showing weakness; it’s about showing your humanity.

By being humble, you become more approachable and relatable, enhancing the effectiveness of your communication.

The Power of a Connected Messenger

The essence of a powerful message lies not just in the clarity of the idea but in the connection forged by the messenger.

In our fast-paced, digital world, the authenticity and credibility of the messenger are as vital as the message itself. Remember, people may forget the specifics of what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

Your role as a messenger is not just to inform but to connect, to not just persuade the mind but to resonate with the heart.

Be the messenger who not only shares ideas but also shares experiences, emotions, and insights. In doing so, you’ll find that your message has a deeper impact, creating lasting impressions and inspiring action.

Let’s not just communicate; let’s connect.

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