Warning: This article is simple and obvious. It will also change your life.

“Hey there, great to see you!”

You look up from inspecting the avocado for ripeness and immediately start sweating. You have no idea who that is.

They look familiar, sure, but so does everyone.

“How long has it been? Gosh, at least a couple of years. Remember that time…”

They start to tell a story that only someone who actually knew you could possibly know. You vaguely remember meeting this person once at a party, or maybe school? The mall? 

You smile and nod your way through the conversation, asking vague questions like, “So, how are things at work?”

Finally they leave, but not before you promised to stay in touch.

You put the avocado in your bag and race out of the store. But the joke’s on you, because it’s not ripe.

It’s never ripe.

Your Memory Sucks

That’s not an attack, just a fact. Memory is imprecise, inefficient, and malleable. To counter this, there’s an entire industry dedicated to helping you improve your memory.

It’s even crossed over into fiction. The BBC’s Sherlock had great fun with the concept of a mind palace. That’s a real strategy which uses visualizations of familiar physical environments in order to enhance the recall of information.

Memory techniques are often complicated to learn, difficult to master, and time-intensive to maintain.

This won’t be.

“Keep it simple, stupid”

I recently became stroller buddies with a young mother. She was pushing a 2-year-old, her firstborn, and I was pushing my firstborn, an 8-month-old.

As any parent will tell you, simply seeing another parent is enough to strike up a conversation.

We had a lovely chat while staying socially distanced on opposite sides of a quiet side street. I learned she recently moved into the neighborhood, her child’s name, what her husband did for work, and other tidbits of no particular interest but which added up to a pleasant first-time meeting.

Then it started to drizzle so we each went our opposite ways.

And typically, that’s where it ends. 

By the time you get home, or even round the corner, you’ve forgotten everything about the person you just met. You can’t remember their name. You might have even forgotten what they look like.

Why?

It’s not because you’re a crappy person. It’s not even so much that your memory sucks.

Your mind is already overloaded. We live in a fast-paced world and you’re barely keeping up. You can hardly remember the things that are important to you. 

So, what good is storing superficial details about a person you may never see again?

Well, the good is in the long run.

Tricking your brain into caring about the future

In a small community you may very well run into that person at the grocery store, or five years from now at a school event. 

Even if you meet someone in an international airport halfway across the world, we live in the digital age! You might want to connect with them on LinkedIn, or keep them in mind next time you’re in town, or they’re in your neck of the woods.

Every person you meet is an opportunity to make your world and theirs a little bit better.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could actually remember them?

You can, and it’s super easy.

Write. It. Down.

In my notes app I keep a folder labeled “People I Met.” Immediately after a chance encounter I jot down everything I can remember while it’s fresh: their name, where we met, details about their family or work, any identifying physical characteristics, how they spoke or made me feel.

The second I walked away from my new stroller buddy I jotted down her name, her child’s name and age, a few bits about her past, her husband’s work, what she looked like, and even a quick I made that she laughed at.

What’s the benefit of writing it down?

First, when we write things down it helps lodge the information in our memory by adding a kinesthetic component to the experience. Any time you layer learning methods makes it more likely you’ll remember. 

Second, should I ever see her again and I don’t recall her name or the finer details, I can make an excuse to pull out my phone and quickly scroll through my notes app.

Human connection doesn’t mean anti-technology

This isn’t a trick.

If you genuinely desire to connect with people, and live your life according to a philosophy of meaningful interactions, then technology is simply another tool in your arsenal.

As someone who studies human connection, it’s so easy to bash technology. But “smartphones bad” doesn’t really get us anywhere.

The key to human connection in the digital age is to make technology work with us, in pursuit of our human goals. Here, the same device that separates so many people – by pulling it out as soon as there’s a lull in the conversation – is turned into an asset that helps us build connection by recalling information that brings us closer together.

Imagine the next time you’re desperately trying to find a ripe avocado (why do we do it to ourselves?) and someone recognizes you, you could address them by name, ask about their kids or recent work project, or even just beat them to the punch about where and how you met?

You’d make them feel like an individual with value, a person worth remembering.

And the fact that you used technology to help you do it doesn’t take away from the connection. If anything, it speaks volumes that you cared enough to make a physical impression in your life about them.

So, yeah. 

Simple and obvious: You want to remember more things about more people?

Write stuff down.