Description: Living alone is costing you financially. Double down on human connection to save money and brighten someone’s day. Reach out, talk to a stranger, and be kind to everyone you meet. You might even meet your soul mate or make a lifelong friend. Lead the human connection revolution, one person at a time.

 

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As a young magician in the “starving artist” phase I was living with 2 roommates.

We did not get along.

Their dirty dishes piled up in the sink to the point where I dropped them all in the hallway outside the door to their room.

To be fair, they didn’t like me either. I was focused on building my career, self-absorbed and obnoxious to be around. Plus, they didn’t like my girlfriend. Any of them. Probably because no matter who I was dating, we argued constantly.

Finally I decided to move out on my own and get my own apartment. I signed a lease I couldn’t afford and entered a period of my young career that nearly destroyed me.

I lived paycheck to paycheck doing magic gigs, keeping up with my rent but hardly any money leftover for food, let alone going on dates.

Sometimes I’d land a date with someone I really wanted to see, but they wanted to go to a restaurant that was 30 or 40 miles away. I couldn’t afford the gas (and forget paying for both of our meals).

I’d either back out and look like a jerk, or I’d go but be in a bad mood, resentful for my wallet.

It was a dark period, and it felt like there was no way out.

Luckily I met Lindsey who is now my wife. She saw me for who I was, and didn’t just accept my flaws, but loved me in spite of them.

If I hadn’t met her, this article would be about me. Or more to the point, this article would have never been written, because I wouldn’t have made it here.

The financial pressure of being single and living alone nearly killed me.

I wasn’t living alone by choice. I was living alone because I was so bad at connecting with people.

And it turns out, that’s pretty common. 

But even if you’re living alone by choice, it can have devastating side effects. Let’s explore.

 

The Reality of Living Alone in America

Do you live alone, either on purpose or by circumstance?

Today 31% of Americans fall into that category. But it also varies by category. Pew research tells us:

• 47 percent of Black adults
• 28 percent of white adults
• 27 percent of Hispanic adults
• 47 percent of adults who identified as gay, lesbian, or bisexual
• 29 percent of straight adults

And obviously, there’s nothing wrong with that. Whether by choice or by circumstance (divorce, widowed, etc) it’s just a fact of life for many people.

 

The Cost of Going It Solo

But it’s costing you financially. Like, a lot.

Americans increasing live in a society that values, prioritizes, and rewards cohabitation. If you’re used to thinking of America as “the land of independence,” that may come as a surprise.

But the numbers are clear.

Inflation is at a 40-year high. The middle class is gone. Interest rates are through the roof. 

The most recent carton of eggs I bought cost $10 for a dozen.

That’s almost a dollar an egg.

(They were good, but I mean, come on now. How soon before eggs replace currency?)

If you are single, or living solo, you don’t get any of the marital tax breaks OR the benefits of a two-income household.

Which means you are effectively being financially punished, severely, for living alone.

So, what can you do about it?

 

An unexpected solution to inflation?

If you are living alone by choice and money is no issue, enjoy your life! You do you.

But what if you are single because you simply haven’t found the person to settle down with, you’re divorced or widowed and don’t know how to get back out there, or because you’ve had miserable experiences with roommates and decided it was better to live alone?

Double-down on human connection.

There are so many daily opportunities for fruitful, fulfilling relationships – romantic and friendly. But it’s so easy to miss them because we’ve resigned ourselves to the single life, or we don’t believe we’re worthy, or past experiences haven’t gone as well as we’d like.

The solution is painfully simple: Reach out.

We’re not just living through record inflation and a global pandemic, but a loneliness epidemic. Two thirds of Americans report feeling lonely or isolated on a regular basis.

The most generous thing you can do in the age of loneliness is reach out. Show up. Talk to a stranger. Be kind and generous to anyone and everyone you meet.

Worst case scenario? They’re not interesting in connecting with you.

Best case? You meet your soul mate or a new friend for life.

In most cases, you’ll brighten someone’s day for a few minutes.

If I had never learned how to do this, through my relationship with Lindsey and my work as a magician, I wouldn’t just be lonely and possibly depressed. I’d be broke.

There is no downside to leading the human connection revolution, one person at a time. Here’s your new mantra:

“Every interaction is meaningful. Every person I meet is important.”

Say it to yourself every morning before you leave the house or jump on Zoom. Implement it every day, and just watch your relationships change.

And hey, who knows. You might just save a ton of money as a side-benefit.

 

Three New People

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking for concrete ways to meet new people and deepen your existing personal and professional relationships?

I wrote a whole book about it.

Three New People: Make the Most of Your Daily Interactions and Stop Missing Amazing Opportunities is a manifesto on human connection in the age of loneliness.

It’s a look back at how we got to this place of divisiveness and distraction, a proposed model for making meaningful connections based on my viral TEDx talk “How to Magically Connect with Anyone,” and a practice how-to manual for meeting new people and engaging with those you already know.

 

Readers have said:

“Fundamentally changed the way I’ll be interacting with people!” -Amazon reviewer

“We have “How to Make Friends and Influence People’ on the shelf, which is a classic. This is the modern, accessible version that anyone will enjoy.” -Amazon reviewer

“My roommate and business partner read this book. I have to say I’ve never enjoyed working with him as much before. He is more attentive to my business ideas, listens when I speak, he’s become a better team player, and MUCH more of a pleasure to work with.” -Amazon reviewer

“It arrived early this morning and I’ve sat and read it cover to cover, non-stop. Brian has an easy, friendly and engaging writing style so that makes it easy to read the entire thing.” -Amazon reviewer

Seth Godin included Three New People in his 2019 list of book recommendations:

“Magician and speaker Brian Miller helps us think differently about human engagement in Three New People.” (full blog post)

Publisher’s Weekly said:

“Magician Miller’s cheery, instructive debut, based on a TEDx Talk he gave, explains how readers can build connections and strengthen relationships by employing the techniques of a magician. … By exploring magic as metaphor for connection—“a shared experience within which… people could feel heard, understood, and valued”—Miller brilliantly outlines a system for deepening relationships.” (full review)