“Damn,” I muttered to myself as I pulled into my regular parking lot at the airport. 

LOT FULL.

Ugh. I really didn’t feel like parking in a different lot than I’m used to at 4:00 am. I was about to turn around when an arm emerged from the attendant booth and waved me forward.

“Morning, hun!” she said. “Always good to see you.”

“You too,” I said. “No spots, huh?”

“You’re in luck. Someone just left. Head down there to aisle four and all the way back on the right.” 

“You’re a saint. Thanks so much.”

What a lucky day, I thought as my sleepy eyes scanned the aisle for an empty spot. Ah, there it is. 

Wait… what? 

As I pulled into the lone open space in the entire lot, I couldn’t help but laugh. The car immediately next to me was a 2017 Hyundai Tuscon in silver, my exact make, model, year, and color.

That was nearly 8 months ago, and I’m still thinking about it. The question is, why?

Looking for a Sign

It’s a well-documented phenomenon that we consciously notice coincidences far more often than we recognize randomness. As is often noted, we are a storytelling species. Our brains are hardwired to look for meaning and order, and invent it when it’s not there.

Ever find yourself thinking of an old friend you haven’t spoken to in years, and just then they send you a text out of the blue?

Fate!

Or, more likely, you’ve thought of them many times before without a coincidental text. We don’t remember those times because they’re ordinary, random, and trivial. Coincidences feel meaningful, so we process them differently.

On the flip side, looking for something often means you’ll find it. 

If a bad psychic at a fair tells you to “beware the number 17,” you’ll start looking for 17s and, undoubtedly, see them everywhere: a house number, a license plate, a document at work. Heck, you’ll see a 98 and think, “9 plus 8 equals 17. Maybe that’s what she meant!”

Seeking Connection

The fundamental tenet of my book Three New People is that on average, over the course of a lifetime, you meet three new people every single day (undoubtedly this number is lower at the present moment amidst Covid, but it will still hold over the course of 80 or so years).

Even in a pre-pandemic world folks would object to that statistic.

“No way,” they’d say. “That’s too high.”

And I’d say, “Is it? Is it really? Just count how many interactions you already had today.”

I’d watch their face change as they mentally noted the person in the elevator, the student taking their order at Starbucks, the new janitor – and sometimes it wasn’t even noon yet.

We can hack the principle of coincidence and use it to our advantage. What if instead of going through every day wondering if you’ll have a chance encounter, a meaningful conversation, or a new connection, you woke up seeking moments of connection? 

What if you looked at every random person as an opportunity to create a moment of connection, and approached them instead of waiting for randomness to find you?

This is the secret of truly connected people. It’s often said your network is your net worth. What’s often misunderstood is that most people with truly incredible networks aren’t born into them. They create them one person at a time, three new people a day, with intention.

It’s not who you know. It’s who you meet.