Outside my “day job” as a writer and speaker on human connection, I coach TEDx speakers, entrepreneurs and leaders on their speaking skills, storytelling, and message clarity.

Coaching is fulfilling, but tricky.

One of my current clients wants to know all the science and psychology behind changes I suggest to her scripts. She geeks out over the how and the why of it all.

And it makes sense – she’s a scientist and a researcher.

Another client never wants to talk about science or psychology. When I suggest changes she either says, “yes, good” or “no, I liked it the other way” and that’s that. She moves fast and breaks things, charging forward on intuition.

And it makes sense – she’s a (very) high 6-figure business owner and entrepreneur with a theater background.

They’re both right. And they’re both wrong.

Traps

While it’s useful to spend hours learning the nitty gritty of my methodology, it’s also easy to get stuck in learning mode. These “learning loops” are a trap that make us feel productive when we’re not really getting anything done.

Eventually you need to stop learning and start doing.

Meanwhile do-ers makes tons of progress all the time, but if you never learn the how and why, you be tethered to teachers and coaches forever.

And while that might be great for my business, it’s not in your best interest.

In the words of Thomas Carruthers,

“A teacher is someone who makes themselves progressively unnecessary.”

Eventually you need to be able to do the work without my help in order to get where you need to be.

The Bridge

Success is a moving target, especially in 1-on-1 interactions, whether personally or professionally.

We can’t get people where they need to be until we meet them where they are. Like a plane that takes off without us, people don’t chase after someone who’s sprinting in the opposite direction.

Whether you’re a parent engaging a child, a team leader engaging employees, a community activist engaging volunteers, or a consultant engaging clients, take some extra time at the beginning of the relationships to meet them where they’re at.

Meet them there. Make them feel comfortable. Learn about their preferred method of connection.

Then take their hand and go for a walk.

Before you know it, you’ll be running marathons.