I used to assume others think just like I do.

That is, until a house guest loaded my dishwasher.

Forks mingling with spoons, flat plates intertwined with breakfast bowls, wide glasses in places only meant for tall, skinny glasses…

I stared down at the circus scene, unable to process the complete breakdown in rational decision-making, ready to suggest to my friend that they check themselves into a psych ward.

But then, I checked myself instead.

They don’t know what I know.

Nobody else has your experience with your dishwasher and your dishes.

Instead, they bring their own experience with their dishwasher and their dishes into your kitchen.

But even if they did have the same knowledge as you, they still don’t have your beliefs or preferences.

I like similar objects grouped together in order to facilitate efficient unloading when putting dishes away. These plates always follow those plates, and these tupperware containers are always in the same corner as those utensils…

Because that’s how my kitchen is laid out.

Someone else may prefer to load big to small, or more dirty to less dirty, or some other clearly insane process that’s not insane to them, but in fact the most rational system in the world compared to your insane process.

The kicker:

They were trying to be helpful, a respectful house guest doing you a favor and completely unaware of all the extra work they caused you having to unload and reload the dishwasher “properly” at 1:00 am before you can finally go to sleep.

So the next time you’re frustrated with someone’s response or actions, remember:

We each approach situations with a very specific set of experiences, beliefs, and goals. They rarely, if ever, line up with someone else’s.

In order to avoid frustration and miscommunication, it’s our job to both communicate our interests and intentions, and to give others the comfort and space to communicate theirs.

You may not agree, but at least you’ll understand.

And that’s a good start.