“Today’s lesson is simple,” he said.

“I’ve got a loaf of bread. A jar of peanut butter. A jar of grape jelly. A couple of knives. Each of you has a piece of blank paper. Your task is to write down the instructions for making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You have five minutes.”

We all got to work. One by one kids in my 5th grade science class turned in their assignments at the front of the room.

“Okay, time’s up!”

He turned over the first paper and started reading out loud.

“Put peanut butter on the bread.”

Then he picked up the jar of peanut butter and plopped the entire jar on top of the sealed loaf of bread.

“No,” one kid exclaimed from the back of the room. “You have to open the jar and spread peanut butter on a slice of bread.”

Our teacher smiled.

“That’s not what the instructions say. Would you like to try again?”

We all grabbed clean sheets of paper and spent five minutes for Round 2. But when Round 2 resulted in Mr. A sticking his fingers into the jar of grape jelly, instead of using a knife, we went in for round 3.

And Round 4.

And finally Round 5.

“Okay, let’s try this again. These instructions say to open the jar of peanut butter. Good. Then open the loaf of bread. Good. Put a slice of bread on the plate. Excellent. Use a knife to scoop out enough peanut butter to cover the bread. Great! Then spread the peanut butter on the bread, from edge to edge, as smoothly as possible. Wonderful!”

Shortly thereafter he had successfully assembled a single peanut butter and jelly sandwich…

Just in time for the bell.

Clear communication is harder than it seems. We assume other people see, hear, and understand things similar to how we do. But they don’t.

Everyone listens through their own filters and sees through their own lens, shaped by their culture, upbringing, and experiences – which are all different from yours, and mine.

In our pursuit of deep, meaningful connection, let’s not forget that we must first understand and be understood.

You know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But the true test of connection isn’t understanding something for yourself. It’s helping others understand you, and understanding them in the process.