She was running late.

I’d spent all morning prepping for my interview on her podcast.

I got up earlier than usual and was seated comfortably in my studio 30 minutes prior to the meeting time, just to be safe.

And then, minutes before the start time, she messaged me:

“I’m running 5-10 minutes behind. My kid is sick and has been up since 3:30 AM. It threw off our whole morning routine. So sorry, I’ll be there soon.”

2 years ago, I’d have been livid and cursed to myself,

I don’t care that your kid is sick. That’s your personal life, and not my problem. This is a business relationship, and my time is just as valuable as yours.

But today, my response was very different.

“That’s okay, take your time! We can reschedule if you need to. Whatever works best. Hope she’s feeling okay.”

What changed?

Well, I have a toddler now. I can relate to that hosts’ experience, which gives me a perspective I never had before.

Earned Empathy

See, I’m an “on-time person.” And comedian Mike Birbiglia summed it up best:

“What late people don’t understand about us on-time people is that we hate you. And the reason that we hate you is that it’s so easy to be on time. You just have to be early. And ‘early’ lasts for hours. ‘On-time’ just lasts a second. And then you’re late forever.”

That joke was my mantra for 15 years in business.

And then we had a baby.

Suddenly it was a lot harder to be early, let alone on-time. No matter how much I planned, prepared, or scheduled, somehow things always took too long.

Why?

Because as all parents know, kids are unpredictable and don’t care about your schedule.

So when the interview host told me she’d be a few minutes late, I knew what it was like to be in her shoes. She’s a consummate professional at the top of her field, a master of organization and time-management.

But, alas, her kid isn’t.

Not only was she running late, but if she’s anything like me, she was also stressed about how her lateness would affect others.

What I have now, that I didn’t have 2 years ago, is earned empathy.

The only human response was, “It’s okay! Take your time.”

But the question is, shouldn’t that have been my response before having a kid of my own?

Walking a Mile

It’s hard to imagine what it’s like to be someone else, particularly if their situation or upbringing is radically different from yours.

No matter how hard I try, I’m never going to know what it feels like to be a child in a mud hut in a 3rd world country. I’m also never going to know what it feels like to be born into generational wealth with live-in maids and a trust fund.

As Gary Cherone, the lead singer of 80s hair metal band Extreme once sang,

“We need more feet to walk in one another’s shoes.”

It’s easy to be compassionate when you can empathize through similar experiences. What’s hard is to show the same level of compassion to someone you can’t relate to at all.

How do you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes if you can never try them on?

2 Methods

First, be kind always. Default to compassion. Assume good intentions. Train yourself to respond with understanding, no matter how insane their actions may seem to you.

Second, get curious. Ask meaningful and relevant questions. Don’t interrogate them, but acknowledge your lack of experience with their situation and demonstrate a genuine desire to understand what they’re going through.

Maybe, just maybe, the on-time people and the late people can coexist peacefully, after all.