3 Tips for Networking without Schmoozing

Networking doesn't have to be a struggle!

In case you’re not familiar with the term, a networking event is an organized social gathering that people attend with the intention of adding people to their network of contacts.

Undergrads, grad students, and business professionals are frequently encouraged or required to attend networking events on a somewhat regular basis in order to build up a list of people that they know. The basic idea is that the more people you have in your network, the more doors are potentially open to you as your build your career.

Theoretically it’s a great idea. In practice it’s a mess.

Many networking events become schmooze-fests where you spend two hours getting bombarded by people running around the room as if there is a prize for giving out the most handshakes, phony smiles, and business cards.

And yet if done properly, networking events can be an absolutely marvelous way to create meaningful connections and start the process of building mutually beneficial relationships, but there is an art to it. I’ve got three great tips for you to take the schmooze out of networking (watch the video for a powerful bonus tip).

1. Put Away Your Business Cards

I have two different pockets at every networking event. The pocket for business cards that I asked for, and the pocket for business cards that were handed to me, unsolicited.

Guess which pocket is always heavier at the end of the night?

The worst offender at networking events is the person who hands out their business card before they’ve even introduced themselves. Sometimes they actually hand out their card instead of introducing their self!

I don’t want to learn your name from your business card. I don’t want to learn what you do from your business card. I don’t want your business card unless I want your business card!

Do Not: Hand out your business card.

When you walk up and hand me your business card before you have introduced yourself and at the very least learned my name, I feel like the only thing you’re interested in is my business, my contacts, or my money. That may not be true, but remember, it doesn’t matter what your intentions are.

Comedian Mitch Hedberg once quipped:

When someone hands me a flyer it’s like they’re saying, “Here. You throw this away.”

That’s how I feel when someone hands me their card unsolicited. I put it in my left pocket and it stays there until I can find a garbage. It matters how you make me feel. And this makes me feel like garbage, so that’s where your card goes.

Instead: Wait for someone to ask for your business card.

This is about quality over quantity. If you walk around the event handing out your card to everybody, then yes, they will all have your card. But how many of them will even remember whose card it was when they go through the stack later? Hardly anybody, and what good does that do you?

While it is polite and unassuming to wait for someone to ask for your card, it is also a more powerful first step to making a connection because you know that they actually want your information. That means you can follow up with confidence that you aren’t being intrusive or annoying. It means that they want to hear from you.

But the question becomes, how do you get someone to ask for your business card?

2. Talk About Your Values

After discussing the weather, the first thing most people say when they meet someone new, particularly in networking events, is their job title.

Unless right now I need to hire someone who does what you do, which is incredibly unlikely because if I did I probably would have already done that, your job title alone doesn’t mean that much to me. I probably have to ask, “What is that?” or “So, what exactly do you do?” in order to continue the conversation. What typically follows is a description of the roles of that job. The problem is this: the same description would apply to anybody who holds your job title. The conversation is headed down a path that is completely impersonal, which is the opposite of building a connection.

Instead of opening with a job title that leads into a generic description of said job, try opening the conversation by talking about your values. What do you believe in? What drives you? What about your job allows you to achieve those beliefs and values, and pursue whatever it is that you care about?

When I stopped introducing myself as a magician and started talking about my beliefs, values, and passions, I found that I was creating strong connections very quickly with the kind of people that I wanted to do business with. My clients hire me because they connect with me and share my vision. Those are the kind of people you want to attract at networking events.

Talk about your values instead of your job and you will find that people ask for your business card. They want your card so that they can form a relationship with you, regardless of your job title.

3. Ask Interesting Follow-Up Questions

Yes, we are still talking about asking questions, because it is such a powerful conversational tool. In Chapter 7 we discussed in depth why you should ask relevant questions, and we still want to do that here. But here we take it a step further and try very hard to ask interesting questions.

What counts as an interesting question? Any question that you don’t get asked on a regular basis.

Do not ask: “How did you get into that?”

This is the follow-up question that you’ll be asked by every person you meet, and probably find yourself asking every person you meet, after finding out what they do for a living.

“I’m Brian.”

“Hey Brian, I’m Paul. So, what do you do?”

“I’m a magician.”

“Wow! How did you get into that?”

It doesn’t have to be an unusual job like magic. “Medical receptionist? How did you get into that?”

It’s the networking equivalent of talking about the weather: an easy question that is always relevant and gets the conversation started. While I am in favor of any question that does two things, I am a bigger fan of interesting questions that shake up the routine.

Instead ask: “What do you love about ?”

This question does two things. First, it breaks the routine by surprising your conversational partner with a question that weren’t expecting. They were ready to answer, “How did you get into that?” They might even start answering the wrong question!

It’s kind of like when you think your friend is going to ask, “How are you?” and instead they ask, “What are you up to?” You start to say, “I’m good, how are you?” and probably get out most of it before your brain catches up and realizes that something different is happening.

Asking “What do you love about your job?” is disruptive in a good way, by keeping the conversation present instead of letting it coast on autopilot.

Second, the answer to this question reveals our values and beliefs. Even if you don’t love your job, there is definitely something that you love about it. The more you can learn about a person’s values and beliefs the better you can understand their perspective, which leads to stronger and more meaningful connections.