Them’s fightin’ words. 

And yet I opened Facebook to discover a long thread dispensing pure hatred at Billy Joel. He hasn’t done anything to any of these people. They just don’t like his music.

“Ugh. Billy Joel is the worst.”

“I hate so many of his songs for different reasons.”

“F*** that guy.”

If you didn’t know better, you’d never guess they were talking about one of the most commercially and critically successful artists of the 20th century. A man whose catalogue includes over a hundred songs in the Top 100, thirteen in the Top 10, and at least three #1 chart-toppers. 

You can’t please everyone.

We know this. Yet we spend so much of our lives desperately seeking the world’s approval. It’s nice to be liked, no doubt. And it’s hard to make a living in any field, art or otherwise, if there aren’t enough people in your corner.

But how many is ‘enough’? It’s probably less than you think. Or at least, it’s more specific than you think.

Feedback or advice?

Last year I finally began to understand the difference between receiving ‘feedback’ and ‘advice.’

Feedback is not ideal. It usually comes from someone who is not our friend, or at least not invested in our success. People offering feedback are not interested in a conversation. They just want to toss some negativity at you and move on to the next mark. 

You know that awful screeching sound a microphone makes when it’s too close to a speaker? That’s feedback.

Advice, on the other hand, comes from well-meaning people who care about our success. We may not like what they have to say, but their intentions are good. 

The YouTube comments section is one of the most toxic places on the Internet. I know, because I run multiple YouTube channels. There it’s particularly useful to distinguish feedback from advice. 

Sometimes I get comments like: “Your background music sucks.” “What’s up with your mustache?” “Cut your hair, hippie.” 

That’s feedback. How do I know? Because I respond to nearly every single comment on my channel with a spirit of conversation. “What don’t you like about the background music?” “What kind of haircut do you think would look better on me?” 

They never answer. Feedback-givers aren’t interested in a conversation. They’re simply spewing negativity for the fun of it.

On the other hand, I’ll occasionally get a comment from a longtime viewer or subscriber: “Hey man, love your videos. It would have been helpful here if you had gone into more detail about ____.” 

When I respond to those comments, I immediately get an answer. We’ll often go back and forth for a few minutes. Their willingness to engage in a positive, collaborative tone, indicates it was intended as advice, not feedback.

And even if you disagree with them, that’s the kind of person you ought to be listening to. They’re not a drive-by hater trying to take you down. They genuinely want you to succeed.

The trick is not being bothered by feedback, and not being offended by advice.

Find the Others

No one is for everyone, but everyone is for someone. Whether you’re an artist, a nurse, an electrician, or an accountant, you’ve got to figure out who your work is for. 

If you’re an accountant in Nebraska and most of your clients complain that you’re too forward, curt, or aggressive, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a bad accountant. But it might mean you should be an accountant in New Jersey, not Nebraska. Because people in New Jersey view that kind of attitude as efficient, not rude.

Billy Joel shouldn’t care that some people think his music is the worst thing ever. What he should care about is whether his longtime fans are still happy and engaged with his art. Everyone else? Ignore them.

You can’t possibly please everyone, but you can definitely please someone. The trick is finding the right group of someones and doing your best work for them.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to crank up “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant.”

Join The Leadership Mastermind

“Until I met Brian I never had a good video conference. The technology was there, but the connection was missing. Brian has a way of facilitating a meeting that makes everyone feel special and important. He asks amazing questions that get you thinking in a way you never would on your own.”

-Kelsey Hammer-Parks, Owner, Kelsey Hammer Productions

Leverage the power of your peers to discover creative solutions to pressing problems in your business. 

Discover how to find the people whose advice is worth listening to, and develop the self-confidence to ignore the screeching feedback from the rest.

Become the leader you’ve always dreamed of being. Not for everyone, but a community of someones who care about the work you’re doing.

It’s your turn: Jump on the waiting list for my leadership mastermind, open to the public for the first time ever. 

We’ve already got more folks on the waiting list than there are slots available. The mastermind opens its doors in May 2020. More details to follow.

For now, make sure you get the first option to join here: https://brianmillerspeaks.com/join/

All of us are smarter than any of us.

Here’s what students of my masterminds and private coaching programs have said: