Description: Learn how to connect with diverse audiences in this blog post. Drawing from real-world experiences, it emphasizes the importance of flexibility, empathy, and understanding in communication, whether you’re a speaker, salesperson, or leader. Discover strategies to read the room, adapt your approach, and ensure that your message resonates.

Have you ever missed your connecting flight, and arrived at the gate just in time to watch it take off without you?

And when that happened, did you then chase the plane down the runway?

Of course not.

You probably got angry, maybe cursed the travel gods, and then collected yourself and found a different plane.

What does this teach us about human connection and effective communication?

Don’t Be a Plane: Why Flexible Communication Matters

So many communicators operate like a plane. They’ve got an unmovable flight plan and don’t make any real effort to get everyone on board.

You see it in speakers, who hit the stage full of energy at 8:00 AM – completely ignoring the fact that the audience was up late at the conference afterparty. The speaker takes off and leaves the audience behind.

Or sales people who start a call by instantly launching into their pitch, scrolling through slides without asking the prospect any questions to tailor their approach.

People do not all act the same or want the same things. Neither do audiences.

Two Keynotes, Two Different Approaches: A Tale of Adaptation

I recently delivered two back-to-back keynotes for the incoming freshman at a college in the midwest. They split the class into two similarly-sized groups, and it was my job to give the same program to each group.

It was my 5th year in-a-row at this school, so I knew the room, the tech crew, and the event coordinators. It would have been easy to run the programs on autopilot.

Reading the Room: The First Group

The first group’s energy was super low.

100+ students sluggishly slumped into their seats and quietly stared at their phones.

I tried to chat with students before the speech, but was mostly met by one-word answers. And then I was introduced.

Instead of hitting the stage with a ton of energy like I usually would, I walked up casually and started the presentation with a laid-back, conversational tone.

It was tough – I had to fight the instinct to “go big” and try to pull the audience into my world.

Afterwards I discovered that there were a handful of sports teams in the room who had just finished a scrimmage within an hour of coming to the keynote. They were WIPED OUT, and so happy to be sitting down in an air conditioned room with a presentation they could passively watch.

One student, a volleyball player, came up to me after everyone else left the room and raved about the program.

I asked, “How was the vibe in the back of the room where you were sitting? From the stage it felt dead and quiet.”

“Oh, no -” she said. “Everyone loved it!”

Energizing the Crowd: The Second Group

5 minutes later the second group filed in and filled the room with conversation. It was electric. Everyone wanted to talk when I moved around before going on stage.

And when I hit the stage, the room erupted. They laughed hard, clapped loudly, and fed off my energy. Just like the first group students also stayed after to tell me how much they loved it.

Same room, same program, same school, separated by only 15 minutes.

Yet a COMPLETELY different experience.

Why Audience Understanding is Key

Here’s the point. If I judged my presentations based on how I prefer to give them and the way I prefer to receive feedback, either:

• I would have perceived the first as a total failure, or
• I would have tried to do what I normally do and actually failed.

But by the only measure that matters – the audience’s reception of my ideas – it was a great success.

If your goal is to connect with people, let alone move people to action, take this advice from my wife who is a therapist: meet people where they’re at.

You’re not a plane. Don’t take off without your audience.

Take their hand, go for a walk. You might be surprised how far you can lead them.

Action-Steps for Communicators and Connectors

Here are 3 simple steps to ensure your attempts at connection have the highest probability of success:

1. Match your audience or conversational partner’s energy level, at least at the beginning of your interaction
2. Ask yourself, “What do they want? What do they believe? What do they know?”
3. Judge your success on how they prefer to be communicated with, in this moment, not on how you prefer to communicate

Lastly, bear in mind that you can connect with anyone, but you won’t connect with everyone. Your job is to give the gift of connection as best you can in each interaction. What your audience does with that gift is up to them.