Do you feel toxic independence?
“Ugh, not another one of these.”
I was mindlessly scrolling on Instagram when another ad for a business coach popped up.
Who are these people? Have they ever run a real business? Why are there suddenly so many ‘experts’ in business that I’ve never heard of?
Scam. Scam. Scam.
Then on March 12, 2020, my life’s work disappeared overnight as the global live event industry collapsed. Terror flooded my body as dozens of cancellation emails poured in. I started sweating through my shirt.
I had a baby on the way and no way to make money in the space I’d operated for 15 years.
How am I going to provide for my family? How am I going to keep my pregnant wife safe? How am I going to afford the hospital bill?
I picked up the phone and sent just one text:
“Cait, it’s Brian. I need your help.”
Meet Cait
Just 8 months earlier in the fall of 2019 I jumped on a Zoom call with someone interested in my TEDx coaching services.
At first glance, I was confused.
She was tall and slender with flowing, wavy hair and the kind of red lipstick that demands your attention. Her smile took over her entire face. She looked like the kind of person giving a TEDx talk about the lifestyle of being a model.
But on her intake form, it clearly stated that she was a business coach.
Over the next 2 months I learned what made Cait so successful: her magnetic personality combined with sharp intellect and a honed instinct for marketing.
In just a couple of years she’d gone from quitting the 9-5 as a middle school Spanish teacher to building a coaching business from 0 to multiple six figures.
And that’s what she wanted to talk about in her TEDx. Not her own story, but the fundamental truth beneath it:
Rising is a risk; do it anyway.
In just 10 short months after delivering her TEDx talk, Cait transformed her 6-figure business to a 7-figure global empire.
Today she’s a mom to the most wonderful little girl, born just one week after my son, running a multiple 7-figure business and helping hundreds of women rise in their own businesses.
Relationship > Tools
“Hey Brian, what’s up? You must be having a really hard time.”
Boy, was I. And it was clearly going to get worse before it got better. It was just a few days into the pandemic, and most people were still talking about “two weeks to flatten the curve.” But I’m a skeptic. I figured it would be at least 2 months before things got back to normal.
“Cait, I need to build a new version of my business online. I have no idea how to do that, what programs I should offer, or how to find clients. But I need help and I need it now. You’re the only business coach I trust.”
We scheduled a half day deep dive for the following Monday. I handed back the money she’d paid me just the year before, and we got to work.
In 3 hours Cait taught me about funnels and digital marketing. She showed me tools for scheduling and accepting payments, how to create one-off programs and recurring memberships.
More importantly she helped me develop the handful of basic programs I could offer and who to sell them to.
But most of all, she saw me.
Sawubona
Cait met me where I was.
I was uncharacteristically scatterbrained and wracked with fear. More than anything else, Cait put me at ease. She gave me the permission to feel what I was feeling, and the confidence that I would rise from it.
My friend Getrude Matshe, who I also coached to deliver her talk at the very same TEDx conference as Cait’s, is originally from Zimbabwe. They have a word, ‘sawubona,’ which means: I see you.
“But not the seeing of sight,” Getrude told me. “The seeing of your humanity.”
That’s what great teachers, mentors, friends, and yes, coaches do. They see us. Not for who we are in that moment, but for who we are, deep down, even if we don’t know it yet.
Ripple Effect
I didn’t immediately put Cait’s training into action. Within the week I started getting requests for virtual magic shows and workshops, so I grabbed the low-hanging fruit.
But a few months later, during a lull, I returned to my notes from our session. I remembered Cait’s enthusiasm and encouragement that I could build a real business as a coach and consultant from my computer.
I thought about my son, just months away from being born, and how much better my life would be if I were no longer on the road. If I never had to miss baseball games or school plays. If I was always home when he got off the schoolbus. If my wife didn’t have to feel like a single parent despite being in a loving marriage.
So I took the risk, the very risk I helped Cait craft word-for-word in her TEDx talk.
And now, 2 years later, I’ve tripled my business from its biggest pre-pandemic year, and I never have to leave the house.
Sure, I’ve taken a few road gigs here and there, and will continue to because I love live events and I will always feel at home on the stage.
But in the meantime, I haven’t missed a moment of my son’s first 18 months. I get to watch as he gorges himself on berries in the morning, pick him up from daycare, and roll around on the floor before bedtime.
And all because an Instagram business coach, who at that moment was also a scared mother-to-be, gave me the gift of presence.
Overcoming Toxic Independence
I recently reconnected with Cait on my podcast Beyond Networking, as she entered the 3rd trimester with her second.
We pulled back the curtain in a frank and open discussion about the coaching industry.
What is business coaching? Who is it for? How can you make the most of your time and money in a coaching relationship?
The conversation was fire. If you’re the kind of person who likes to do everything for yourself, as I always was, this may help you overcome toxic independence and open up to relationships with those who can help you get where you want to go, even faster and better than you ever imagined.
Check it out here:
