How To Know What You Stand For
Description: Discover how Iván Fernández Anaya's integrity in a race teaches us about the importance of knowing our values and beliefs. Learn practical questions to uncover your core principles and build authentic connections.
You're in a cross country race, trailing just one place behind the leader. Unfortunately, there's not enough track left to pass him.
You know you've lost, and have accepted 2nd place as your result.
But as you both near the end, the first place runner suddenly stops 10 full meters ahead of the finish line, mistakenly thinking he has finished.
What do you do?
Sportsmanship, or something else?
That's the situation Iván Fernández Anaya found himself in. In 2013 he was racing in Spain, when Kenyan runner Abel Mutai misunderstood the signs, written in a foreign language, and stopped early.
So, what did he do?
In a video that went viral, Anaya is seen gently pushing Mutai the last 10 meters to the finish line, giving him the first place medal while Anaya accepted his second place finish.
In an interview following the race the 24-year-old Spanish athlete stated simply,
"I didn't deserve to win it. He was the rightful winner. He created a gap that I couldn't have closed if he hadn't made a mistake. As soon as I saw he was stopping, I knew I wasn't going to pass him."
His actions were universally praised for great sportsmanship, but I disagree. This wasn't about sportsmanship; it was about values.
What do you stand for?
It's clear that Iván Fernández Anaya knew himself deeply. It's a type of intelligence known as intrapersonal, and does not come naturally to most - it takes real work.
There are at least two major considerations for knowing yourself: your values and your beliefs.
What's the difference? Your values are core principles that guide your decision-making, while your beliefs are actionable convictions that result from your values (whether they are true or not).
In Anaya's case, it's clear from his actions what he values and believes - I don't need to be in his head or read his mind.
He values integrity, and therefore believes that winning by taking advantage of someone's honest mistake is not a true victory.
How do you know what you believe?
In my book Three New People I wrote an entire chapter titled "Know Thyself" on this premise: You cannot truly connect with others or the world around you if you haven't connected with yourself.
In it I offer a handful of questions you can ask yourself to uncover your values, and the beliefs that result from there. Here are a few:
- What is my proudest moment or achievement?
- What do I want most out of life?
- When was the last time I was truly happy?
- What compliment is my favorite to receive?
- What do you hope people will say about you after you're gone?
Ask yourself these questions and try to identify at least one or two guiding values, and the beliefs that result.
Next time you're in a conversation - whether it's a close friend or family member, or a stranger in the coffee shop - ask them questions to uncover their deeper values.
Instead of asking, "How long have you been a [job title]?" consider asking, "What do you enjoy most about [job]?" These kinds of questions lead people to talk about values and beliefs without even realizing it.
And once they do, you can start to form a meaningful connection.
Know thyself to connect with others
The story of Abel Mutai and Iván Fernández Anaya serves as an inspiring example of how connecting with our values can lead to profound connections with others. In a competitive world, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters. By staying true to our beliefs and values, we not only enrich our own lives but also contribute to a more compassionate and connected world.
As we strive to build connected cultures and communities, let’s remember that the journey begins within. By uncovering and embracing our own values, we pave the way for authentic and meaningful connections with those around us.
For a deeper exploration of how understanding yourself can transform your connections with others, check out the "Know Thyself" chapter in my book Three New People. It offers insights and practical exercises to help you uncover your values and use them to build stronger, more authentic relationships.
