Idealists of the World with Ami Dar
“Many of us feel that the world could be better. You know, we read about the fact that some people don’t have drinking water. Like, really? We have space flight and we don’t have water? I mean, come on.”
-Ami Dar, Founder & Executive Director, Idealist.org
Have you ever felt like something is very, very wrong?
We have such advanced technology, inconceivable access to information, and the ability to instantly connect in real time across the globe. Yet we’re failing to protect ourselves and the planet. In a moment of blissful optimism you may have wondered if there was something you could do to make it better, followed immediately by the crushing weight of helplessness.
The problems are so vast, what could I possible do? I can barely handle my own life.
You’re not alone.
Millions of people across the globe want to make a difference and are willing to step up, and stand up. But the trouble isn’t a lack of willing volunteers; the trouble is we don’t know who we are.
The Socks that Changed the World
In the late 70s, an 18-year-old boy from Jerusalem found himself on the Northern border of Syria, holding a gun on a watchtower, alone, fighting for the Israeli army.
Meet Ami Dar, now 58, who I had the extraordinary pleasure of spending the day with, when he graciously took a 3-hour train from NYC to Connecticut to chat on my podcast.
As he started to tell me about the watchtower it was clear he had made peace with that part of his life, while I sat wide-eyed, absorbing every detail of the experience so foreign to my own. Apparently it was mandatory for Israeli boys to spend 3 years in service (2 for girls), and simply viewed as a way of life. As Ami describes it,
“You don’t think about it. You don’t question it. It’s as deeply part of your trajectory as primary school and high school is [in America]. There it’s high school, army, and then life. It’s just the way it is.”
Ami’s job on the watchtower was to look across the border at the horizon for hours on end, across barbed wire and mine fields, at a Syrian military base to see if anything strange happened. And something strange did happen, not across the border but in Ami’s head, as he watched the Syrian soldiers go about their lives:
“A few months earlier as I was getting to know the guys in my own unit, I realized that some of them are great guys that I would trust with my life. And other guys I was like, eh. Some of these guys would give me their last pair of dry socks if I ever needed them. And some of them might steal mine if they needed them.”
One day Ami was looking through the telescope and realized the Syrian base must have a similar breakdown: those who would give him their last pair of socks, and those who would steal his. “I burst out laughing, alone on the tower,” Ami told me, smiling at the absurd recollection.
Border Mistake
Funny though it was, Ami’s crucial insight came next:
“The Syrian soldiers in the distance had a few hours off, and they were playing soccer. I could see them playing and I could even hear some laughter coming up across the mountain. And there was something in that moment that completely humanized them in my eyes.”
The great mistake of our increasingly divisive times is viewing our enemies, opponents, or competition as other in some way. They’re not like us, we tell ourselves. They’re monsters.
Dehumanization
But dehumanizing those who differ from us can be detrimental. Researcher Nicholas Epley describes something similar to Ami’s insight in his book Mindwise:
“Suicide bombers, for instance, do not come from exceptionally poor backgrounds. They are not psychopaths, unable to feel the pain of others. Instead, they have families, and some have children. They love those who are close to them. What distinguishes the violent actors from the nonviolent ones are fully human emotions and motives that are very familiar to you: a deep connection to a social group, intense empathy for others who have suffered for a cause, and a passionate commitment to defend a livelihood under attack. The violent actors are overwhelmed by empathy for their own group, which all too often naturally leads to disdain for competing groups (p. 52-53).”
Did you catch that? Most of us have no trouble imagining suicide bombers as unfeeling psychopaths who just want to watch the world burn, but they’re not. They’re people, just like us, doing what they believe will lead to the safety, security, and happiness of the people they love.
Aren’t we all?
Moment of Truth
This is precisely the moment of enlightenment Ami experienced on that watchtower, as he described it to me:
“So I’m seeing [the Syrian soldiers] playing, they become completely humanized in my eyes. And suddenly I have this flash and I think, Wait a second. If I want to join them now, there would also be some guys there that might share their socks with me and some others that wouldn’t. There would also be the same kind of good guys and not that I have in my unit. And in that sense, this whole fence between us is running the wrong way.”
The border between Ami and the supposed enemy wasn’t actually separating ‘good guys’ from ‘bad guys’; they both existed on each side of the border.
As he finished telling me his story I felt the weight of his experience, but Ami quickly and masterfully turned the moment into a positive, as he’s apt to do. He said he’s come to realize it’s not really about good people and bad people:
“There’s a constant struggle between good and bad within each of us. And yet, I still think that all over the world there are people who share some very very basic values around love, and freedom, and dignity, and solidarity, and joy. And if somehow those people could work together, the world would be a better place.”
And that’s what Ami set out to do: create a global network connecting people who share a set of common values and want to do good in the world, with organizations who have the means to accomplish those goals.
But it would be nearly 20 years before that vision could become a full-fledged reality.
The Web
Over a decade after his crystalizing moment Ami found himself running out of money in New York City.
He’d spent months desperately trying to get his latest attempt to implement this big idea off the ground. This variation was building community centers for do-gooders: a hub in each community that functioned like your neighborhood grocery store, but instead of having milk, bread, and coffee, they’d have a bulletin board, people, and resources for making positive change.
Weird Words
Ami didn’t know it but he was waiting for the invention of the World Wide Web. Here’s how he described the experience:
“I was trying to make it happen in real life. And then one day a friend came to my house and said, “I need to show you this thing. It’s called the Web.” I was like, “Whatever.” So he went to the jack on my wall, the phone jack, and he had a little modem with him, and he basically connected me. He put me online for the first time in my life. This was ’93 or so.”
What happened next blew his mind. His friend pulled up a web browser, which at the time lacked a graphical interface. It was just text words on a page. “One of those words glinted, it shined,” Ami told me with a smile.
“One word looked weird to me. And he clicked on it. And when he clicked on it, it went somewhere else. And I was like, Oh my God. I have been waiting for this for ten years. Yes.”
So Ami started building a directory for nonprofits on the web. It was his community point idea, but online. But this wasn’t exactly a money-maker, and Ami was on empty. Just then an old friend from Israel flew in and Ami offered to pick him up from JFK airport, spending his last $20 in the process.
Lucky Break
Luck has a habit of finding people in action, and Ami is always in action.
His friend offered him a lifeline in the form of opening a New York office for his software company. Fueled by passion Ami made him an offer, in spite of being in no position to do so. Unable to contain himself from laughing, Ami explained his proposal:
“I told him, “Yes, I’m going to open your office here, on the condition that I can work on your project three days a week, and two days a week I can keep obsessing about mine.” “
Persuasive as ever, Ami got the ‘okay,’ and the rest is history.
Idealist in Chief
Ami sent interns out into the world over the course of a summer to find every nonprofit in the country, at least one in each state.
Remember, Google didn’t exist yet. Search engines didn’t exist. You had to actually find these places in the real world, in order to list their information online.
They launched in 1995 with 2500 nonprofits they had found throughout the world, the first iteration of what would become Idealist.org. Now known simply as Idealist, Ami’s company is the hub of nonprofit and volunteer work on the Internet. They serve over 120,000 organizations with over a million visitors every month.
But Ami’s not done, of course.
United We Stand
Last year in 2018 he launched a new global initiative known as “Idealists of the World.” He outlined the three core principles in our conversation:
- Shared set of universal values that every human on planet Earth agree are worth preserving and fighting for: freedom, dignity, respect, and generosity;
- A symbol/logo to express those shared values without the need for words (see below);
- An agreed-upon day every month to express those values and move from intention to action, called “Idealist Days,” which are the same day of every month: 1/1, 2/2, 3/3, etc.
The Idealists of the World Facebook group has over 40,000 active members and growing, who at least once-a-month do something, anything, to put good into the world. And it can be as small as improving yourself:
“There was a man who posted, I think it was on 10/10 last year, and he said: “I’ve wanted to stop drinking for 20 years. Today is my last drink. I’m not drinking anymore.” And he used that excuse of Idealist Day for that, which I found both moving and fascinating.”
I loved that example, because it really underscores how interconnected we are. An alcoholic who stops drinking will have an immediate and powerful impact on the people in their life, and the ripples will spread as those close to them no longer have to worry as much, freeing up their emotional energy to put more positivity into the world, and so on.
You can do it!
Others use Idealist Days to finally ask their doorman’s name, clean up their community park with a small handful of folks, or even organize large gatherings of dozens or hundreds of people for a common cause.
Idealist Day is whatever we need it to be. And Ami insists it’s ours, not his. He even encourages us to take, use, and replicate the logo in any way, so we can all recognize each other on-sight in the world.
I haven’t run into someone sporting the Idealist logo in the real world yet, but when I do, I have no doubt we’ll be fast friends, bonding over the shared values of freedom and dignity for all people.
Words of Wisdom
To cap off our truly inspiring conversation I asked Ami to share one piece of advice for young people or young professionals who want to make a positive impact on the world, but aren’t sure where to start. His answer was perfect:
“Be patient with yourself. There’s something when we’re 22, 23, 24, 25, there’s this conviction we have, it’s almost embedded in our brains, that every decision we make is somehow final. And irreversible. It’s gonna affect our whole life! And then by the time you’re 30, you realize that that was B.S. That that was absolutely wrong. Just be loving and patient with yourself. Just give yourself that time. Love yourself as much as the people who love you, love you. Don’t love yourself less than they do. And the rest will usually work itself out.”
You can listen to my full conversation with Ami Dar, complete with many more stories of his adventures and a deep discussion of chance, faith, luck, and life, in audio-only or video format below.
Consider subscribing to the One New Person podcast via your favorite streaming service at OneNewPerson.com
