A Marine, a Lyft, and a Gift
My favorite part about Lyft isn’t the convenience of getting picked up wherever you’re standing, or how much easier it has made traveling in major cities (no more astronomically-priced big city rental cars – woot). Rather, it’s how many fascinating people I get to meet.
Lyft drivers are real people. I mean, so were Taxi drivers, but they tended to have a professionalism that placed a barrier between you and them. Rare was a Taxi driver like Ranjit from How I Met Your Mother who became “part of the gang” in real life.
But Lyft drivers are largely part-timers, students, and stay-at-home parents making a buck in their free time. They are almost always willing to open up and be human.
The Marine
Anyway, here’s a Lyft experience I had to share. A few minutes into our conversation my driver, a man in his late 30s we’ll call Ken, reveals he is a Marine, and it’s clear he’s seen the worst of it. Whatever he’s been through is a part of his every breath.
“A Marine, wow,” I said. “First off, Ken, thank you for your service.”
Then I launched into a short story about the year I spent bouncing around American military bases in Europe, Asia, the Middle East, and Africa entertaining the troops and their families (watch the vlog series from the Asia tour here – opens YouTube). I was searching for connection. But I hit a brick wall.
“Before I went over there,” I continued, “I never really knew what those words thank you for your service meant. But after meeting everyone and seeing what’s really going on over there, now I do.”
I could feel him tense up.
“Actually, we don’t like it when you say that,” Ken stated.
“Oh,” I said, a bit taken-aback. “I really apologize. What would you prefer we say?”
“We would prefer you don’t say anything at all.”
I was silent, searching for a way to continue the conversation, and find a connection. But I didn’t have to, because he teared up and said,
“I just don’t need to be thanked. It’s a privilege to do the job, to follow in the footsteps of those who came before me.”
I let the moment sit as Ken composed himself and, while wiping his eyes, murmured, “I’m sorry. As you can see I get emotional about this.”
“That makes sense to me,” I said. “But I think what people mean when they say ‘thank you for your service’ is that they appreciate the sacrifice people like you make, because it means people like me don’t have to go.”
His eyes widened, he looked at me in the rear-view mirror, and said,
“I never thought of it like that.”
And there it was.
Connecting with Anyone
I’m the first to admit that you cannot and will not connect with everyone you meet. I make conversational mistakes as often as the next person. But you can connect with anyone if you learn, hone, and implement a handful of tools, techniques, and best practices.
This isn’t a story I’m telling to brag about my conversational expertise. I’m telling it because I believe that human connection is a gift. We are lonelier than ever, and desperate to be understood. The better I get at it, the more people I can give that gift to.
Ken and I went on to have a fantastic conversation. He told me about his kids and beamed with pride about their academic and athletic achievements. I gave him a hearty handshake when he dropped me off and thanked him for the ride.
“No,” he said, “thank you.”
That’s why this stuff matters.
