Selfies are selfish
What would it be like to meet your hero?
Really, think about it.
How would you feel to be in the presence of the person you most admire? Whether for their intellect, artistry, spirituality, or some other reason?
That’s what every interviewer asks guitar virtuoso Nuno Bettencourt about the first time he met his hero, Eddie Van Halen. Here’s what he said in a recent 2021 interview with Kylie Olsson:
“It bums guitar players out, but I didn’t ask Eddie Van Halen about guitar. I’m sorry, but for me, I wanted to just be around him. I just wanted to take in whatever he had to offer that day. I didn’t go to the past, I didn’t go to the future. I just tried to be as present as possible. Just talk to him. Try to have a moment with him and remember that moment. This was pre iPhones and all the bullshit where we didn’t think about capturing it. We were just there. Thankfully.” (full interview)
You can tell within seconds as Nuno begins the story that he’s being transported back to that moment in time, a tiny window with the artist that inspired his entire life’s journey.
It’s a bit of a lost art.
For years I made video blogs on YouTube. I filmed everything in my life, personally and professionally, and edited them into 3-4 videos per week for public consumption.
As a record of my experiences, it’s super cool to be able to rewatch some of my career highlights. And Lindsey loves revisiting our vacations in high def, cinematic form.
But every time I watch one of those videos I feel like I’m discovering it like any other viewer: for the first time.
I don’t really remember those experiences happening. I only remember capturing and editing them.
And once I realized that, I stopped. Yes, I still take photos of fun moments. Yes, I take short video clips when we’re doing something super fun. But I tried to stop documenting in service of actually experiencing those moments.
That’s why I no longer take selfies with people I meet.
What’s More Important?
In 2018 I bumped into my hero, Seth Godin, in an airport. I’ve told the story publicly on my podcast so I won’t recount it here.
The first question everyone asked me when I told them I met Seth was, “Did you get a selfie?!”
No, I didn’t. In fact, it didn’t even occur to me. I had 60 seconds with the man whose work changed my life. All I wanted to do was thank him and shake his hand. In Nuno’s words, I just wanted to be around him.
Asking for a selfie is saying, “Proof that I met you is more important to me than meeting you.”
On a recent trip to Austin, TX to speak at a conference I grabbed dinner with an old friend & colleague in entertainment, who lives locally. We had a wonderful meal and then he walked me around the city, pointing out historic locales and telling stories. It was awesome.
The next day he lamented that we forgot to take a selfie for social media.
I didn’t forget. It occurred to me multiple times to take a selfie, and I ignored the impulse. Instead I stayed present with him. And now I remember the actual conversation and ambience of the experience, not a photo.
Next time you go out with old friends, spend time with a mentor, or bump into a hero, try to resist the impulse to document the experience.
Give that person a far greater gift: true connection.
