There really are bad questions (your teacher lied to you)

“The question you ask is the problem you solve.”
-Naveen Jain, Billionaire

I spent a lot of time as a young magician wondering, how do I get the audience to like me? How do I get them to applaud? To laugh? To give me a standing ovation?

These questions felt natural, but they were unwittingly selfish. Every one of those questions was about how I could get something from the audience. And so of course, the answers were always about me.

I could buy or learn better tricks. I could end a trick with my hands outstretched above my head and to the sides, in the pose magicians refer to as “instant-applause.” I could hire a professional comedy writer from the Late Show with David Letterman to write funnier jokes for my act.

Yes, I did all those things. And they rarely produced the results I wanted.

Then a veteran magician caught my show and offered some of the best advice I’ve ever received. He said,

“Instead of asking yourself, “How can I get more applause,” ask yourself, “How can I give the audience an experience so incredible that they feel compelled to applaud?””

It’s so obvious now.

By simply changing the question from focusing on myself, on how to get something, to focusing on others, and how to give something, I found much more effective answers.

I could be fully present with the audience, instead of walking through memorized scripts like a robot. I could meet people on their way into the theater, 30 minutes before showtime, and get to know them a bit on a personal level. I could perform simple that were easy to follow with captivating stories, instead of complicated tricks that stroked my own ego.

I could make the show for them, not for me.

Duh.

View the future as if it’s the present

The question determines the answer. When COVID forced restaurants nationwide to shut their doors, many owners asked themselves, “How do I pay the bills next week?”

That kind of question assumes a short-term problem, which leads to shortsighted solutions. To quote Eddie & the Cruisers II (a movie no one except my dad and I have ever seen), “A man in a rush starts taking shortcuts.”

If the question is, “How do I pay the bills next week,” the solutions will be ways to get any money in the door, by any means necessary, as quickly as possible. Which is what a lot of restaurants did.

Social media was ablaze with local restaurant owners begging and pleading for customers to order takeout, even if they never offered takeout. In the worst cases, restaurants actively encouraged customers to come in anyway, that they were “sticking it to the government” and “refusing to be told we can’t make a living.”

Well, encouraging your customers to enter a dangerous situation where they are likely to get very ill or possibly die is short term thinking. Dead customers don’t pay. And sick customers don’t come back.

So, what’s a better question?

How about, “How do we give our customers a new experience that they’ll love, that is consistent with our brand in the long run?”

Invest in your customers

That’s the question beloved Connecticut restaurateur Pam Paydos asked herself in March of 2020. Her previous restaurant was a spacious tavern, but her current establishment, Popover Bistro & Bakery, is a tiny, small-town hangout literally built around community tables.

Dining in wasn’t an option, and she wasn’t set up for takeout. Until then it was basically request-only.

A year later, Popover is not only still standing, but more adored than ever. I caught up with Pam to find out precisely how she made the Pivot so successfully, while so many restaurants struggled to get by or went out of business.

“I did something that most people aren’t doing during this pandemic. I closed for a week and I popped about $20,000 into my restaurant and I remodeled. I remodeled in a way that made the takeout more efficient.

Our counters are longer. We have big chalkboards that have our menu up so you can order quickly. But I didn’t change the menu. I didn’t push dinners because we’re not a dinner restaurant.

People were like, what are you doing? The restaurant next to me said, “How are you putting money into your business right now?” I’m like, because I have to. We’re not going back to normal ever.

I’m not looking to close. We’re not closing. I’ve said that from the beginning, everyone was like, “Oh my God, are you going to be okay?” I’m like, yeah, we’re going to be okay. We don’t have another option.”

In the midst of losing 90% of her business, she invested money into making her customers feel safe and taken care of. Giving them the community feel and experience they were sorely missing in the early days of pandemic isolation.

And the community rewarded her for that tremendously.

Watch or listen to our full conversation at https://beyondnetworkingpodcast.com/pam-paydos/

Next time you’re at a critical juncture, or feel stuck, spend more time focusing on which question to ask, rather than which answers to find.