What Almost Everyone Gets Wrong about Receiving Advice
Description: This blog is about the recent change in Marie Kondo’s message about tidiness and organization. With her new book promoting a less tidy lifestyle, I question the limitations of self-help advice and what it reveals about the industry. Plus, advice on giving and receiving good advice. Take it or leave it!
What should we learn from experts who can’t, or don’t, take their own advice?
In 2010 Marie Kondo released her now (in)famous global bestseller, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
It’s a straightforward self-help book with a simple message:
You should only keep items that “spark joy” and let go of everything else, in order to live a more fulfilling life.
The book spawned a Netflix series and turned Kondo into a superstar. The problem with being known for such a simple and universal message?
You can’t keep it up forever.
The Limitations of Self-Help
During a recent virtual tea ceremony and livestream, Kondo said that after her 3rd child was born in 2021, she’s no longer trying to keep a tidy house.
“My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time is the right way for me at this time at this stage of my life… Up until now, I was a professional tidier, so I did my best to keep my home tidy at all times. I have kind of given up on that in a good way for me. Now I realize what is important to me is enjoying spending time with my children at home.” (Washington Post)
Better yet? She’s got a new book out promoting that very message, which you can purchase for $28.
Whew, thank goodness.
Obviously, I’m being sarcastic and overly dramatic. But there’s a really important message here for anyone who reads self-help and listens to motivational speakers.
Back when Marie was preaching minimalism, organization, and tidiness, she was speaking largely to overworked and exhausted mothers, many of which had multiple children.
She told them in no uncertain terms that they, too, could be as neat and tidy as her, if only they bought her book and implemented her system.
But now Marie has given up her own advice when she finds herself in a situation that no longer suits her former message. Not just given it up, but conveniently replaced it with a new piece of advice that suits her current lifestyle, and she is now selling with the same confidence as the old advice.
What can we learn?
Advice Requires Perspective
Good advice is contextual.
Every advice-giver should place the perspective of the receiver before any systems, strategies, tips, or tricks are offered.
Unfortunately, that’s not what the self-help industry is designed to do. You cannot get personalized advice tailored to your situation from a book, or a YouTube video, or a podcast episode, or a Netflix series.
Be wary of any advice that is provided to the general public without qualification or any acknowledgment of individual circumstances.
I believe it’s one of the primary reasons the 1-on-1 coaching industry has exploded in the last few years. There’s a huge pent-up demand for personalized advice after decades of general self-help strategies.
And when you find yourself giving advice, remember that the advice should come from the receiver’s perspective, not from your own.
Just because Marie’s advise suited her lifestyle in 2010, and her new advice suits her lifestyle in 2023, does not make it good advise for you.
Even if she’s really an expert.
Which, I mean, who knows.
