Are You Telling the Right Story to the Wrong Person?

Description: Everyone has a story in their head. So, how do we connect with people when everyone is living out different beliefs, principles, and wants?

I saw two hair salons in the span of 5 minutes. They both had a sign on the door. The first said:

“Walk-ins welcome.”

The second said:

“Reservations required.”

Different people want different things. Each of us has a story running in our head, a story about who we are, how we like to be treated, and how we like to engage with the world.

Some people want the convenience of “Walk-ins welcome.” Others want the status of “Reservation required.”

And of course, sometimes we want both of those things, but at different times and for different reasons. The same person who prefers the status of “Reservation required” might be running late for an important meeting and need the convenience of “Walk-ins welcome.”

One of the fundamental principles of human connection is “meet people where they’re at.” If you want to make deep, meaningful connections with others, you have to understand the story playing in their own head.

But you can’t guess – you’ll be wrong. Instead, you have to ask. Ask people meaning and relevant questions so that they can tell you the story in their head, and you can meet them where they are.

The hair salon who requires reservations should not be frustrated with someone who asks for a walk-in. There’s no reason to say, “Didn’t you see the sign?” Instead, they could respond with kindness and direct the person one block away, to the salon that takes walk-ins.

Not every customer is meant to be your customer. Not every person is meant to be your friend.

But we can still make a connection, with anyone, by understanding their perspective and respecting the story they’ve got in their own head.