At, For, or With?

Excerpt from panel discussion at Inova Heart & Vascular Institute’s Patient Experience Conference 2018. Transcript modified slightly for ease of reading.

Interviewer: So I actually have a question for Brian because I’d like to know, when did you first realize the importance of that human connection? Now, I think in healthcare, we sort of go into this work because we want to help and we want to connect with people. But when did you realize that you don’t have to be a healthcare provider? Human connection is important for everyone.

Brian: Yeah, I mean, I think for me, I realized it much earlier on stage than I did off stage, very young as a magician because it’s very obvious when you’re a performer. At least, it’s obvious to many. Some performers just kind of go up and say their thing and totally are not aware. And it’s very clear when you watch somebody like, in an open mic, when they’re not in tune with the audience at all. They’re doing a comedy open mic and nobody’s laughing. They go off like, “I killed! What’s next?” So sometimes it’s clear that they’re not paying attention.

But most of us are actually very introverted off stage, which you’ve probably heard a lot about comedians and performers. So I’ve always been very in tune, very sensitive to other people. And when you put yourself as a performer in an environment, or a speaker, when you put yourself up in front of hundreds of strangers and ask them to judge you in real time, it’s a very difficult thing.

And so early as a magician, I would feel like the audience didn’t react the way I wanted them to. Not there was a specific reaction I wanted, but there was a feeling, something I was trying to give them as a magician, a feeling of wonder or excitement. And if they weren’t getting that from what I was doing, I needed to figure out what was wrong. And I think early I realized, “Oh, I’m not being present. I’m just doing a rehearsed bit. And I’m just kind of doing it at them.”

And my mentor when I was like 17 or 18, he told me bad magicians perform at their audiences. Good magicians perform for their audiences. Great magicians perform with their audiences. And that’s how I learned it as a magician.

But it took an embarrassingly long time later in my personal life to realize why relationships kept failing and friendships kept failing eventually and it was like, “Oh, it’s the same thing.”