Description: Explore the profound lesson of internal experiences versus external reactions, judgment and impact, and the importance of patience in assessing true influence.

In a world bustling with noise, the quietest moments often speak volumes.

This is a lesson I learned through a story my grandmother shared, one that revealed how our innermost feelings don’t always mirror the expressions we show to the world.

When your reaction betrays your intention

My grandmother sat at or near the back row of every theater, at every event.

When I asked her why, she told me this story:

Long ago she attended a comedy show and sat right in the front row. She loved comedy and stand-up comedians, and wanted to be right up close to see their mannerisms and expressions.

But 10 minutes into the performance the comedian stopped the show and directed his attention right at her.

“Listen lady, I’ll give you a refund.”

She was confused.

“If you’re not enjoying it, I’ll give you a refund.”

See, my grandmother rarely laughed out loud. She might love the show and find it hilarious, talk your ear off about it later, recounting the jokes and bits of business over a cup of black coffee and a black-and-white cookie.

But her face betrayed her emotions.

She said, “I’m loving the show.”

And the comedian responded, “Well, then I’m going to need to ask you to sit in the back of the room where I can’t see you, because you’re throwing me off.”

She did, and stayed there for the rest of her life.

Our inner feeling doesn’t always match our outward appearance

We each carry a secret: the person we really are deep down, inside. Yet we move through the world as if others have access to our secret and we have access to theirs.

Researcher Nicholas Epley calls this the Illusion of Insight, that we so easily misunderstand the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of others.

Most of us are terrible mind-readers, and even worse at reading “body language.” But we think we can decipher someone else’s internal life from their external appearance, or even their actions.

It’s rarely so easy.

But our overconfidence in this ability gets us into all kinds of trouble, socially and professionally.

Reserve judgment until you have all the facts

I once interviewed Michael Kent, renowned comedy magician, on my podcast Beyond Networking. I asked him if he ever had a chance encounter with lasting impact, and he told me this story:

“Early in my career I was asked to perform for the CEO and all of the upper executives of this major Fortune 500 company, and I was a little nervous. In fact, I turned down several other pretty good gigs to do this gig.

I did the best closeup magic trick for him and his executives around him that I could. He signed a playing card and that card ends up folded up into a little square in the toe of my shoe. When I unfolded it he took the card, turned away from me, and continued a conversation with his executive as if I wasn’t even there. And as if I hadn’t just done something incredibly impossible. And I was like shattered because this was the one person in this whole room that I wanted to connect with, the one person that I wanted to leave talking about me and my act.

I had these dreams walking in, like, the CEO’s gonna be here. This is a huge company. I’m gonna connect with him. I’m gonna blow him away, and he’s gonna leave talking about my magic. And I just blew my shot with the best thing I know how to do.

I was incredibly dejected and just wrote it off. Maybe he hates magic. Maybe he was embarrassed. I’m trying to go through all of the rationalizations in my head.

Two years later the same company hired me back and that same CEO was there. He comes up to me, grabs me by the shoulder, calls me by name, and says “Michael, I wanna show you something.” Pulls out his wallet. He’s got that damn card from two years ago in his wallet. He said, “I tell people about that trick all the time.”

And I wanted to say to him, why didn’t you tell your face?

The lesson there for me was that I could be making an impact on someone and have no clue. Because I don’t know how you react to things. I never discount a quiet audience because of this.”

I mean, you can’t really state it better than Michael did.

Reserve judgment until you have all the facts

My grandmother’s tale and Michael Kent’s experience convey a powerful truth: our external reactions may not reflect our internal experiences. My grandmother’s calm exterior masked her genuine delight, while the CEO’s apparent disregard actually hid deep appreciation.

Such stories remind us that appearances can be deceptive. Instead of assuming disinterest or indifference based on someone’s reaction—or lack thereof—we should remember that our influence may extend far beyond what is immediately visible.

We move through the world under the Illusion of Insight, believing we understand others’ thoughts and emotions, often mistaking our projections for their realities. But as both my grandmother and Michael Kent taught us, the true impact of our actions can remain unseen and unspoken, yet profoundly felt.

So, before drawing conclusions, pause and consider the depth that may lie behind a quiet exterior. After all, the most meaningful connections are often not announced with laughter or applause, but with a silent, enduring resonance.

In a world quick to judge, let’s choose to be patient. Let’s reserve judgment until we have all the facts, for the story beneath the surface may hold surprises beyond our expectations.