Whose Story are You In?

Have you ever imagined you were the main character in a movie?

Maybe you’re cooking a fancy meal, or getting dressed for a big business meeting, or preparing for an exciting new project. You start to fantasize your actions in the 3rd person, as if watching yourself through a camera the way an audience would.

You begin to accentuate your gestures and dramatize your movements. You can hear the score building to a crescendo and match your energy to the rising emotion of the music in your head. And then…

You drop the eggs. Or stub your toe. Or tie your shoelaces together. Or misjudge a doorway and smash your shoulder into the wall.

Whatever it is, you’re snapped back into reality by something that would never happen to the hero in a movie, painfully reminding you of your normal, boring, un-cinematic life.

I’d like to argue that these fantasies may be the key to escaping that life, if only you ask yourself the question:

“What makes my movie alter ego so much more appealing than me?”

The Main Character Trend: Meme or Syndrome?

There’s a trend on TikTok where users present a fictional version of their lives as if they were the main character in a movie or TV show.

A user might film themselves doing something ordinary in slow motion, making a big gesture out of a small moment, or simply walking around their neighborhood with an inflated chest and a strut, the way confident movie characters do.

“It’s about living life cinematically, and romanticizing even the smallest moments.”

-The Take

Some psychologists like Phil Reed have taken great pains to outline the danger of this trend, comparing it to Munchausen syndrome- faking illness to get attention, and even the dark triad of personality disorders- psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and narcissism.

Personally, I think it’s just folks dreaming of a more interesting, meaningful life. Which begs the question:

If your life was written, what kind of story would you want to be in?

The Unwritten Life

Bloom: “I want an unwritten life!”

Stephen: “There’s no such thing as an unwritten life. Only a badly written one.”

-The Brothers Bloom

Humans are storytellers. Are brains are hardwired to turn disparate facts into connected narratives that make sense so we can plan, predict, and anticipate.

Sometimes we tell stories out loud, in the form of fiction, TV shows, movies, poetry, or ordinary conversation. But we also tell stories silently, in our own heads. And more often than not, those stories are about ourselves, and how we think others see us.

I’m not good enough.

I’m not smart enough.

I don’t deserve to be loved.

I’m not worthy of this opportunity.

People think I’m too quiet.

My girlfriend thinks I’m annoying.

My dad will never be proud of me.

I have nothing of value to offer.

The Main Character trend is a way for people, often marginalized or low-status people, to play with feelings of confidence and empowerment that they ordinarily lack.

But one need not take it to the extremes of TikTok to gain something from this trend (and probably shouldn’t, for the slippery slope dangers psychologists are so keen to warn us about).

Instead of filming yourself doing normal things cinematically, which is basically putting an aesthetic filter on your existing life, consider the character arc you’d love to be on if you really were the main character of a scripted narrative.

Your Character Arc

There are four types of character arcs: Transformational, positive change, negative, and static. For our purposes we can ignore the latter two and focus on transformational and positive change.

A transformational arc is when a main character starts the story as a regular person and by the end is a hero. The modern classic is Harry Potter.

A positive change arc is when a character starts the story with negative traits or a dour outlook, and by the end has positive traits and a brighter outlook. It’s similar to transformational but less epic. Think Scrooge.

When writers plan out a character’s story arc, they need to answer a few basic questions first. Among them:

• What do they want most?
• What do they really need, even if they don’t realize it?
• What is their biggest fear?

In the simplest transformational or positive change arc, in order for a character to get what they want they’ll need to confront their biggest fear. But in doing so they’ll realize that what they really need is at odds with their want. In recognizing what they really need and giving up what they want, they become a better person.

Your life is a story. Not in the way TikTok users pretend, but in a very real way determined by the stories you tell yourself about who you are and what you’re capable of.

If you’re struggling with serious mental illness such as anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts, seek the help of a qualified professional.

But if you’re simply pining for a better, more exciting life, take some time to consider these questions: What do you want? What do you really need? What is your biggest fear?

Set goals accordingly, then make decisions and move intentionally in that direction.

Just remember:

You may be the main character in your own life, but you’re not the main character in anybody else’s. You have a right to self-confidence and empowerment, but so do they.